Single in the city....

Ok. So you knew it was coming eventually. I mean its not as if I don't get to discuss the topic enough (everytime my Aunt calls to see if I'm "not engaged yet?"). And since I have chosen to ignore her advice to trip a pilot in the airport because "they make really good money", I currently find myself alone in the deep, scary waters of the dating pool. I would like to point out that I chose the word "currently" because opposed to popular belief, I am not in the nun-to-be training program. I just happen to love the combination of black and white clothing. ANYHOO.......

I have decided to take the time now to point out to you, my friends, why I have chosen to remain single in light of the winners that I have run into lately. The following is a list of the recent encounters I have had. I was going to try to find pictures to illustrate what these bachelors looked like, but I think it will be so much more rewarding for your imagination to form the image. Feel free to add mullets where needed.

Contestant #1: Baby Mama Drama

Setting: The labor and delivery unit during my clinical last semester.

As a little background, keep in mind that in Nursing School we are required to dress head to toe in BRIGHT, RED scrubs as well as the all white walking shoes that only belong underneath a denim jumper or with tube socks in an exercise video. So, I am looking red hot....sooo punny!
It is about halfway through the morning and I am walking down the hall. As I stroll past one of the delivery rooms, I hear a little whistle and a, "hey baby!". My first reaction being that someone has just experienced the miracle of life....WRONG! This ghetto fabulous fool is actually calling out to me over the screams of his baby's mama giving birth in the room behind him! This "shout out" was followed up by a few lines like...."what are you up to?" and "how often do you come to this hospital?". I'm not sure if these are typical pick-up lines in a hospital but.....YIKES. As I continue to walk down the hall, he yells, "I'll catch up with you later!". He then proceeded to stalk me for the next two days while we were there.
I'm not exactly sure how he saw this playing out. Did he think it would be an easy transition for me to start taking care of his baby since I was there getting practice? Don't know.....don't care. I am was made fun of the entire week for this awesome day!

Contestant #2: Appropriately, Baby Daddy Drama

Setting: A local bar (this is a typical location as I think they change from normal to WEIRD once they enter this area.....or maybe its the alcohol).

This encounter began fairly normally, however, it soured very quickly. He came over to talk to me and I think we barely made it past, "hey, how are you?", when I hear, "you don't have any baby daddy drama, do you?".
0.5 seconds later......b-bye! As I started to walk away, he says, "don't be upset, I ask everybody that!" OH!!! That changes everything!

Contestant #3: Drive-by Picking

Setting: Sitting at a stop-light.
This run-in was completely unexpected. I was sitting at a stop-light, minding my own business when I made what I now see as a very big mistake called, glancing to my left. I look over to find the future "Mr. C-Los" sitting in his ultra classy station wagon staring right at me. But this was no ordinary fella, he was a multitasker. Not only was he managing to give me a stare down, he was also cleaning out his nasal passage (in un-medical terms.....PICKING HIS NOSE!). He had his finger so far stuck up his nares, his eyeball was twitching!
Candice's inner monologue:
"Just look forward. You are fascinated by the stoplight. You can't take your eyes off of it. OOOO pretty lights!"
Now, a word of wisdom to you men out there.....this is not an attractive move for anyone. I think I would even struggle with good ol' Matthew McConaughey publicly clearing the bats out of his cave.

Contestant #4: The Literary Mastermind

Setting: The Pool at my Apartment

I had gone outside one evening when it had cooled down to relax and read my book. The pool was empty....perfect! I sat down and was about 2 chapters into my book when I hear the chair creak next to me. Turdball (sp?), the cause of the chair creaking, then proceeds to light a cigarette while trying to strike up a conversation with me. At this point, I have my nose stuck as far in my book as I can before the words start to blur together. For normal people, this a very clear signal that I DON'T WANT TO TALK! Here is a brief synopsis of how our conversation went:

Turdball: What are you reading?
Me: A book
Turdball: Cool. Is it good?
Me: Yep
Turdball: What is it about?
Me: Don't know yet. Not far enough.....(hint: I keep getting interrupted so I can't read very fast)
Turdball: Cool. Who is it by?
Me: I just show him the cover
Turdball: Cool. I read a book once
Me: Silence.....internally I am actually slightly amazed that he can read
Turdball: Ever heard of Jimmy Buffet? It was his book......
Me: Well....its getting late. I'm going to go inside......
Turdball: Cool

You can expect our "save the date" card next week.

Sadly....the list could go on. I believe I will wait to continue the list until another time because after putting the experiences into words I'm slightly depressed.
Now maybe I'm a little picky (notice the subtle reference to contestant #3) but I don't think these upstanding men are going to be making the top 100 most eligible bachelors list anytime soon. But don't worry about me, I'm still holding out for the awesome, normal guys that have got to come out of their hiding places (or get divorced) sometime soon. I'm kidding......kind of! So until the next installment of single in the city......ladies hold onto your men! Its a scary, scary world out there.