You learn something new everyday......

As most of you know, I am not a fan of knowledge. Maybe thats because after 6 years of being forced to learn I've grown tired of it. Maybe its because the type of learning I'm doing right now involves hearing about an abdominal fistula that makes poop come out of your stomach, trying to figure out why that happens, and how to fix it.......with pictures. Maybe its because I was homeschooled where peer pressure involved who could quote the most Shakespeare plays, and having to pretend to "love to learn". Whatever the reason, I am currently burned out on knowledge.
Despite this fact, you can't help but learn new things. Here is a brief run-down on what I have learned recently:

1) There is a restaurant that offers side items with the purchase of a salad!
Craziness or pure genius???? You decide....
I was recently at an eating establishment where I order a GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD. I put this in caps because I was very specific about my order. I even did the "I'll have the ......." and pointed at the item on the menu. The waitress responds, "would you like fries, chips or a side salad with that". Side salad with a salad.....even the most hardcore vegan has to question that logic. What's next Ketchup for your Mustard????? Apparently the complete look of shock on my face was not enough to alert her to a misunderstanding.
After clarifying that I would receive a side with my dinner salad, I decided on french fries. I was tipped off to the possibility that this might not be the start of a new tradition but proof that our waitress was riding home on the short bus when I asked for Ranch dressing and she looked at me like I had ordered a side salad with my dinner salad. I decided I had better clarify my order only to find that I was slotted to receive a grilled cheese with french fries and ranch dressing. While delicious, it contained a few more carbs that I had originally planned on. In the end, I learned that you shouldn't trust a waitress who takes 45 minutes to figure out change for a $5 and by change I mean 5, 1 dollar bills.......

2) There are some things I actually like about my home state.
I hope you were sitting down for that......
So my friends and I like to go to this place that plays retro music once a week. Not only do I enjoy the fact that it is like putting your ipod on shuffle for a party (you get to hear baby got back followed by grease lightening, then sweet child of mine..... its awesome) but you get to do some amazing fashion watching. Some people take the opportunity to pay tribute to big sweaters, side ponytails, and bright pink lipstick (brave souls). But what I love about my hometown is that there are some people in attendance that aren't paying tribute but merely getting dressed. The 21 y.o. male wearing the members only jacket....hilarious. The 40 y.o. woman with the permed bangs, ruffled miniskirt and boots........sad.

3) Deaf people drink alcohol.
Its not that I am completely surprised by this fact, but just really had never thought about it before. It was at a retro night that this next learning experience occurred. I was there with some friends when this women practically falls on top of us. Poor thing is walking like an imaginary person is holding onto her waistband, basically she is poised for a nosedive at any moment. Keep in mind that it is only like 10:30 so girlfriend must have started early. In case I haven't described it well enough.....she was drunk.
At first, this fact is amusing to us, but we start to feel sorry for her when she completely biffs up the stairs, not an easy task to do. My favorite part is that she managed to hold both drinks in her hands. Anyway, we help her get up only to see her run into another group of people. We are standing there when this big guy that had been standing in the general area of her comes over. He says, "I don't know what to do. I just met her. She's deaf and drunk, its tough......."
He then decides to disappear, leaving us feeling somewhat responsible for her. Fast forward to the girl getting carried out and my friend who slightly knows sign language trying to help figure out where she lives. Now the extremely interesting fact is that apparently just like how drunk people slur their words, deaf drunk people slur their hands......My friend couldn't tell if she was saying that she had been hit in the face or that she thought she was beautiful. To quote my tall friend, "it was tough".

So, kiddies, there you have it. I have relayed my new found wisdom to you. Don't get too excited because starting next week any type of learning I will be able to impart is probably going to involve bodily fluids. Did somebody say rectal tube?????